Monday, December 17, 2007


  1. CONTRACTOR: A gambler who never got to shuffle, cut, or deal.

  2. BID OPENING: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

  3. BID: A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

  4. LOW BIDDER: A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

  5. ENGINEER'S ESTIMATE: The cost of construction in heaven.

  6. PROJECT MANAGER: The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

  7. CRITICAL PATH METHOD: A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

  8. OSHA: A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine prints, red tape, split hairs, and baloney equally applied at random with a shotgun.

  9. STRIKE: An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

  10. DELAYED PAYMENT: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

  11. COMPLETION DATE: The point at which liquidated damages begins.

  12. LIQUIDATED DAMAGES: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

  13. AUDITOR: People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.

  14. LAWYER: People who go in after the auditor and strip the bodies.

Special thanks to Construction Attorney Sam Abdulaziz of Abdulaziz, Grossbart & Rudman for graciously allowing me to bring this light-hearted gift to you. Happy Holidays!

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