CONSTRUCTION DICTIONARY

1. CONTRACTOR: A gambler who never got to shuffle, cut, or deal.


2. BID OPENING: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.


3. BID: A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.


4. LOW BIDDER: A contractor who is wondering what he left out.


5. ENGINEER'S ESTIMATE: The cost of construction in heaven.


6. PROJECT MANAGER: The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.


7. CRITICAL PATH METHOD: A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.


8. OSHA: A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine prints, red tape, split hairs, and baloney equally applied at random with a shotgun.


9. STRIKE: An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.


10. DELAYED PAYMENT: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.


11. COMPLETION DATE: The point at which liquidated damages begins.


12. LIQUIDATED DAMAGES: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.


13. AUDITOR: People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.


14. LAWYER: People who go in after the auditor and strip the bodies.

Special thanks to Construction Attorney Sam Abdulaziz of Abdulaziz, Grossbart & Rudman for graciously allowing me to bring this light-hearted gift to you. Happy Holidays!